More About Me - An Obsession

Why am I so freakishly obsessed with long hair? When it comes to women, at least. Not me. I hate having longer hair.

Anyway...

I've always preferred longer hair on women. Not crazily long, maybe a third of the way down the back. Always liked that. And not just any color, either - a rich, dark brown.

Now I've got a problem. What if I can't have that? What if that's just not an option? Well, see... It bothers me. A lot more than it ought to.

Short hair - "boy cuts" as they're sometimes called - that actually disgusts me. Now, of course I wouldn't say anything to anybody about it, but that's just how I feel. And I shouldn't. It's just hair. What good could it possibly do? Why do I care so much about something that technically has nothing to do with the person's personality? I hate myself for a weakness such as this. I've always prided myself in caring less about looks than most men. And now I'm finding that I do care.

It's the beauty, I think. I've always been obsessed with beauty. Poetry, sunsets, photographs, music, flowers, and so on. And long hair - I find it beautiful. So beautiful...

And now I'm hating it.

Spazzie is getting her hair cut. It's already been dyed. Now, to be honest, I hear the word "dye" and I groan inside. Dyed hair isn't on the list of things I like. Nor are tattoos or piercings, but them even more so. I'm a guy with more traditional tastes. Not too traditional. I'm not insistent that women wear dresses all the time or anything nutty like that. With hairstyles, and clothing to some extent, I differentiate between what I find attractive and unattractive.

Until now, it's never mattered. It never got in the way of anything. It never made me say, "Hey, this is a real problem - I need to fix it." No. Now, it's a problem. And I need to find some way to fix it. And fast.

I'm rapidly learning that Spazzie's true style and what I find attractive are two very different things. She's cutting her hair very, very short. Boy-short on the back, jawline on the front. Her hair has been shoulder length for as long as I've known her. And I liked that. I figured, sure - I could change my likes and dislikes a little for her. So I did. I've been fine with it. I mean - I didn't find it so incredibly attractive that I'd become obsessed over it or anything, but I was fine with it. And it had its moments, anyway. But... Boy-short? The very thing I've hated all my life?

She's not doing it to hurt me. She knows I don't care too much for it, but that's all she knows. I'm not going to hurt her by letting her know. I'll change. I've changed before. I can do it again. This is the hairstyle she loves. And I didn't know it til now. Probably a good thing I didn't find out at the start... Yes. This obsession is that bad. Now you see why I feel so desperately that I need to get out of it.

The other thing that really, really bugs me? She loves purple hair. She's held off of it for me. She knows I don't like it. But what she doesn't know is that the way I feel about it is a mixture of disgust and shock. Yes... I need to get rid of this hair beauty obsession. Very quickly.

I may never stop loving her... But the hair thing... If I can't change myself fast enough... It's going to end up ticking me off badly enough to upset her. And that's the last thing I want.