When guys are confronted with problems, they feel a need to fix it. To make it better. To make the problem go away. Women... When they have problems... What they want most is to talk about it. And that confuses most guys. Myself included. It doesn't seem to make sense to us.
Then again, neither does the fact that women are capable of pleasuring themselves just as well as a guy could, although a guy needs the help of a woman to feel that same level of pleasure.
Maybe it's best we just accept it as it is and move on.
When a guy is confronted with a problem he can't fix, he feels like he's not good enough. And that he's being blamed. Example:
Todd: Honey, I'm home!
Rachel: I've had the worst day today! The cat peed all over the clean laundry, the dishwasher broke, and the bathroom door got stuck and I couldn't get out!
What Todd heard: I've had the worst day today! You were waiting to clean the catbox til after work and the cat peed in the laundry, the dishwasher broke and you haven't been looking for a new one like you said you would, and that bathroom door you said you'd take care of isn't fixed yet!
Worst thing for Todd to say: Hey, it's not my fault! I was going to get the catbox cleaned after I got home from work, I've been swamped with paperwork and haven't had time to look for a new dishwasher, and we don't have the money to bring in a repairman for the bathroom door!!!
Wrong thing for Todd to say: Honey, it's okay! Laundry can be washed, I'll do the dishes for you, and then I'll fix the door to the bathroom so it doesn't get stuck again.
Right thing for Todd to say: Wow, you've been having a tough day. *give massage/hug*
If Todd said the first option - the worst thing - it'll immediately escalate into a fight.
If Todd said the second option - the wrong thing - she's going to complain that he's not listening and get upset.
If Todd said the third option - the right thing - she'll calm down and be in a better mood.
Now, the third option, to Todd, feels like: Wow, my day was all play compared to yours.
And that's not really something he'd want to get used to. It makes him feel like he's not good enough. As does her rant when he steps in the door. But if she doesn't rant, it builds up and she explodes later. She needs to rant/complain to him for their relationship to be healthy.
What's the way around this? Understanding. Each has to understand that the other has different ways of looking at things, and instead of trying to change their viewpoint, they need to simply understand and accept the other's.
Now... I've been finding it increasingly harder to listen to Spazzie. I don't know why, either. I've got a lot on my mind, yes. But she's noticed the same thing. I get all snappy on occasion. I'm not nearly as understanding as I usually am. And I actually blew up a couple of days ago and started being accusing and insulting. And quite frankly, that freaks me out. I have no idea where it's coming from. The lack of sleep? I've been sleeping less. The increased workload? I hardly have time for just playing around for the fun of it anymore.
At times I feel I need to pull away for a bit to straighten things out in my mind. But I don't want to pull away from her. I just want to be close to her. That and I'm... afraid. Afraid of losing her. It's a thought that's always in the back of my mind, nagging at me. I never see it as some guy coming along and stealing her from me, but only as me screwing something up and making her so upset she leaves me.
Sometimes, at times that seem almost random, she withdraws from me. Saying the very least she can, speaking only after several minutes.
She says she withdraws to keep from hurting me. But with my #1 fear being losing her, her withdrawing from me does nothing but make me fear the worst. What she ought to do is get closer when I'm angry/unhappy. Brave the storm. But she is rather stubborn... And making apologies and trying to soothe and calm me down isn't something she appears to have much practice with.
She sees no reason why she should keep from looking at other guys just because she's not single anymore. She actually told me she'd have sex with Vin Diesel if she got the opportunity.
How is that being loyal to me? How is that showing that she loves me? Talking to guys? That's fine. Flirting with them? Makes me uncomfortable. Oohing and aahing over their muscles, how sexy she thinks they are... I just can't figure out how she can think of that as an acceptable action in a relationship. Then again, her previous relationship was based on lust. She may not know how to behave herself in one with love.
That means I get to teach her. I like that idea, I'll admit.
That means I get to teach her. I like that idea, I'll admit.
Or perhaps my standards are too high. Maybe my moral values are a little too far above where they ought to be. Even thinking about another woman besides her as sexy I almost consider wrong. And while being with her, by mind has actually shut itself off to being attracted to any other women. I seriously doubt everyone - or even many people at all - are capable of doing this.
Such a wonderful woman she is... I really feel I don't deserve her. I know it sounds crazy, but I can actually see myself spending my life with her! And she's so perfect. Everything we've ever been upset about have been misunderstandings. No real problems.
So what's wrong now? Do I just need more sleep? I've only been getting 2-4 hours a night... The time difference (three hours) is really rough on me. Doesn't seem to have much of an effect on her, at least. And I always try to be around to tell her goodnight when she goes to bed. I'm going to have to start setting myself a strict bedtime to ensure I get six hours or more.
My eyelids are drooping. I really need more sleep. Maybe that's the reason I'm not feeling the way I always do. I usually don't stay up til 2-5 in the morning talking to her. Yes, I talk to her that much. At an average of five hours a day (I really think it's closer to six, but five is a rounder number), for the entire duration of our relationship, we've spent a total of around 360 hours together, I'm estimating. That's like fifteen days in constant conversation (without sleeping). Or 26 days of constant conversation (with sleeping). That's nuts. We've talked to each other a lot more than most boyfriends/girlfriends in relationships talk to the other. People have gotten married over less than half as much as this.
I'm going to set myself an earlier bedtime and write a program that shuts off my display if I stay up too late, so I can't stay up so late anymore.
In other news... She's making a picture. For me. She's an artist, and an incredibly brilliant one at that. To watch her throw out lines and delicate shading over a canvas is to watch perfection itself spun out as if in a silky sweet web of bliss.
She's never made a picture for me and me alone! Ever! This is the first! And it's going to be amazing, just like all her others. It's such a special feeling, I just can't describe it! Someone incredible... creating something incredible... for me. I feel so loved, so in love, so loving. I love her so.
The picture she's making is one based on my story, the Forest Knight.
The picture she's making is one based on my story, the Forest Knight.
On a final note... I love it when she blushes. :D
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